Coming Home
by dontmissthis
Summary: "You don't want to feel weak and vulnerable around me, I understand that. But I won't think that about you, Jane. Anyone…anyone that's fighting for their life isn't weak. They're strong. And that's what I'll see in you—your strength. Not your weakness."


**A/N: It always seems like things always happen to Maura, so I thought I should switch it around. **

**If you're looking for fluff, this isn't it. **

…

Her legs nervously bounce against the ground as she sits on the couch waiting. Glancing at her watch, she rubs her trembling, clammy palms on the tops of her pants. Maura should be here any second. How would she tell her?

There's no easy way to break something like this to anyone.

She finally gets up and starts pacing the length of Maura's living room, nervously running her hand through her hair. It would've been so much easier if she had let Maura come with her instead of having to wait here just to rehash everything.

She hadn't cried when they told her. But the chances of almost breaking down when she had to face Maura and deliver news like _this_…the odds definitely weren't in her favor. There' s no way she'll be able to keep it together.

She groans as she thinks about everyone she'll have to tell.

Frost. Korsak. Frankie. Tommy…

Her mother.

Another groan. She has no idea how _that's_ going to go.

Probably a lot of crying and praying and words of wisdom she'd rather not hear.

Oh, and Cavanaugh.

There were laws that kept her from getting fired for this, but she highly doubts she'll be able to ever go back. Especially not if she won't ever get back to 100 percent.

Because Jane Rizzoli never gives less than everything. And even though she loves her job, it's no exception. She won't try to do it if she won't be as capable and excellent as she used to be.

She anxiously walks into the kitchen and pulls a beer out of Maura's fully stocked fridge. She's almost positive she shouldn't be drinking it now, but she gets the lecture that Maura's bound to give her, she'll be damned if she isn't going to finish it.

One definitely isn't enough to quell her nerves and it almost all comes back up as she hears the key latch in the door. She makes her way back to the couch on unsteady legs and pretends to be watching some ballgame from 1976 as she hears the telltale clicking of Maura's heels as she walks down the hall.

It feels like her stomach is knotting and churning and she can't seem to keep from fidgeting. This is going to be hard—much harder than she thought.

She takes a deep breath and tries not to get sick when she feels a light squeeze on her shoulder as Maura walks around the couch to sit next to her. Their thighs are pressed together and she can feel the heat so acutely it feels like it's burning her, scorching her from the inside out, filling her up with feelings she hates to have to face.

They sit in silence, moments stretching into long minutes. It finally gets to the point where Maura can simply wait no longer. She refuses to guess— absolutely r_efuses_, but there's the smallest niggling feeling telling her that this isn't good.

If only Jane hadn't been so damn stubborn and had let Maura join her, neither of them would be in this predicament right now.

Placing her hand on the top of Jane's leg, Maura gently squeezes as she watches Jane pretend to watch the game. "What did they say?"

Her voice is even, calm. She has no idea how she manages it, especially not when it feels like her heart is beating against her ribs, threatening to break out. She tries to calm herself down by taking a normal, regulated breath. This is Jane. _Her_ Jane. The Jane that came back from being shot outside the precinct. The same Jane that managed to get pinned down by a serial killer and still survive.

Surely, _surely _nothing could like this could to someone who manages to somehow still seem invincible no matter how much she's gone through—and it's been one hell of a lot for any one person to go through.

Maura knows the odds, the statistics. And technically, it could happen to anyone at any time—never knowing precisely when it will strike.

But this is her Jane. And she doesn't want it to_ ever_ strike.

Jane bites the inside of her cheek, already fighting the burn in her throat. She knew she wouldn't be able to hold it together—not here, not in front of Maura. Something about her always managed to strip Jane down to her barest, pull things from her that Jane had never wanted anyone to ever see or know.

And this isn't any different.

She places her hand on top of Maura's and uses her thumb to rub across pale knuckles. They had told her she might start forgetting a lot more than where she placed her keys if nothing worked and they couldn't help her.

But she never wanted to forget the feel of Maura's hands in her own. So soft and smooth and warm and loving.

Hell, she never wanted to forget _any_ part of how Maura felt.

Or how much she loves her.

She finally turns, facing Maura with watery eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't...listen to you sooner," she tries to laugh but all that comes out is a rasp. "How could I have doubted you? You're so smart. So beautiful."

Her forehead creases and she watches as Maura's lip barely starts to quiver. Jane pulls her hand up and starts to stroke her cheek." You were right. You can say 'I told you so' if you want," she draws in a shaky breath as she wipes away one of the tears Maura was trying so hard to hold in. "You were right and I'm sorry I was too stubborn to listen."

Maura chokes out a sob as she shakes her head. "I don't want to be right! Not this time."

"Well, you are. I was there; I saw the scans." She tilts her head and manages a very weak smile. "I couldn't figure it out as good as you would've been able to, but…it's there."

Maura knew it was a possibility, but it wasn't one she was ready to face.

A brain tumor isn't something anyone is ever really ready to face. Especially when it happens to the one they love.

It's just too much.

She falls forward into Jane—her face pressed in close to Jane's neck and her arms wrapping around to clench fistfuls of the well-worn BPD shirt. It's an odd angle and not comfortable at all in the physical sense, but it's what she needs emotionally.

She feels selfish crying like this—she's not the one that's sick. It's she should be the comforter, not the one needing the comforting. But she can't help the sobs that start shaking her body from deep within, the small shuddering gasps that escape her lips as she tries to breathe. This is her Jane and she can't process what she'll do if something ever were to happen to her.

Jane's hands stroke up and down her back until she manages to calm down enough to try and speak. "What are…we going to do?"

The hands instantly still on her back and Jane takes in a shaky breath. "_We_ aren't going to do anything, Maura."

At that, she abruptly pulls back—pain and shock and confusion all evident on her face at once. "What do you mean?"

Jane knew this would be hard, but with Maura looking at her like that…It just got even harder. "I can't do this with you. I won't drag you down with me. You deserve more than this."

"Jane," she whispers, "I don't understand. Are you…are we breaking up?"

Maura's voice literally makes Jane feel like her chest is being ripped open and torn to shreds. Does she want to do this?

Absolutely not.

Does she need to?

Absolutely.

It may not feel like it now, but it'll save Maura in the end.

She reaches down to slowly unclench one of Maura's fists and starts to speak without looking up at those damned hazel eyes that would break her resolve in an instant. "You need…I can't let you stand by and watch me go through this. You _know_ what it's like to wait for hours to see if I'm going to make it out of surgery. You _know_ what it's like to almost watch me die. And this…this will be so much worse than that. You deserve to have to have a life outside of waiting in a hospital to see if I'm going to live or die."

Maura cups the side of Jane's cheek, tilting up her face and waiting for their eyes to meet. "Do I deserve to be happy?"

"Absolutely. You deserve everything you could ever want."

"You make me happy."

The trembling, hopefulness of Maura's voice is enough to do her in. A tear manages to slide down her face, forehead crinkling. She shakes her head the tiniest bit and shifts to face Maura completely. "You'll be happier without me."

"No," her voice is firm, a much bigger contrast to the quivering of before. She pushes some hair out of Jane's face and holds her gaze. "I'd feel empty without you."

It's not an exaggeration. Months upon months ago, she might have thought that statement would have been. But now that she has Jane and knows what it's like to fully have her in her life…she'd feel so completely broken and empty without her.

Jane sighs, head dropping into her hand—too embarrassed to show how exposed she feels. "What if I die, Maura? You might as well start getting used to me not being around now instead of just drawing it out."

Maura hates _what ifs_. They bring up thoughts and scenarios she never wants to think about.

And what Jane just said was one of them.

She might as well counter with one that's a more hopeful, one with a better outcome.

"But if you don't? The time we spend apart now will be time wasted that we'll never get back. Time wasted that I never want to lose."

Jane leans forward just enough to be pulled against Maura's chest. She smells like the ridiculously priced perfume of vanilla and…_home_.

She doesn't want to leave her. Ever.

Maura is her home and the person she runs to when she's happy or upset; the person she loves and loves to be loved by. There's no way she wants to leave her—by breaking up or by dying.

She just doesn't want Maura to go through the emotional toll that this will surely bring; she doesn't want Maura's life to stop as she sits with Jane day by day as she fights for her life.

And she _never_ wants Maura to ever think any less of her.

"I don't…"

Maura runs her fingers through Jane's hair and uses her other hand to hold Jane close as she counts each shuddering breath Jane takes as she tries to silently cry. And that's when she gets it. She should've known all along—it _is_ Jane she's dealing with.

"You don't want to feel weak and vulnerable around me, I understand that. But I won't think that about you, Jane. Anyone…anyone that's fighting for their life isn't weak. They're strong. And that's what I'll see in you—your strength. Not your weakness."

At hearing the pure honesty and love dripping in Maura's voice, she slumps further against Maura until lying completely on her back and Jane's cheek is still pressed against her chest. She wraps her arms around Maura as tight as she can, thanking God that she got so lucky.

She might have wanted to spare her pride and Maura's pain earlier, but now she never wants to be left alone. And now she's afraid Maura might end up backing out on her. It's highly unlikely, almost an impossibility that that will happen. But the thought is starting to seep in, worry her from the inside out. "That's easy for you to say now. But when I'm laying there and I can barely remember your name…what about then?"

Maura shrugs beneath her, fingers still running through Jane's curls. "We'll cross that passage when we get there."

That manages a small, raspy chuckle from Jane. "Or bridge."

"What?"

To be so smart, Maura could be incredibly dumb. Jane loves her all the same for it. Besides, it's fun to pick at her about it. "Cross that _bridge_ when we get there."

"Oh." She pinches Jane's side, small smile somehow starting to tug on her lips. "You know what I meant."

Running her fingers across the silken blues and purples of Maura's blouse, a thought hits Jane and the self-loathing is back. And so is the stinging prick of tears. "I do _now_. In a few months I might not. Then _you'll_ have to explain things to _me_."

Maura so desperately wishes she could see Jane's face. She sighs, pulling her closer as she tries to somehow meld their bodies even closer together. "Not all tumors affect people that negatively, Jane. You may go through with the surgery and be completely fine."

"Or completely not. I might end up being a vegetable that can't even talk."

Maura doesn't care. She knows it's a possibility, but she doesn't care.

She'll love Jane even if she no longer had the ability to walk or talk or do anything she's capable of now.

She'll _always_ love Jane, no matter what. And this isn't going to change that.

"It's okay for you to have a moment of self-pity," she says, voice full of understanding and yet, full of conviction. "But that's all I'm letting you have—a moment. In a few minutes, we're going to go find you a doctor. A good one. And we're going to start scheduling treatments and see how soon you can have the surgery."

Jane starts to protest and Maura holds her tighter. "The sooner we do these things, the better. And I want you to get better."

"Maura…"

She's not sure if it's a complaint or a resignation of defeat, but Jane adds nothing else so she keeps going. "I know this is completely illogical, but I'm not sure if I can live without you, Jane. It certainly wouldn't be a life I'd like to lead. So _please_ don't resign yourself to death because that means you'll be leaving me and you can't do that. I need you."

"I won't," she responds immediately.

And it's true. She's not going to think about dying or almost dying or anything related to that. Not until she has to.

She's going to be strong and survive and live her life as happily and normally with Maura for as long as she can.

She leans up, pressing a kiss right below Maura's ear. "I'm here and I love you. I'm not going anywhere."

Maura sighs, rolling on her side to face Jane on the couch. They have a long, oh so _very_ long road in front of them, but she thinks there's a high probability of them making it through everything and coming out just as well, if not better than before.

"I love you too," she whispers. Her fingers graze across down the side of Jane's jawline and she softy presses their lips together.

The Jane Rizzoli she knows doesn't give up.

And hopefully, it'll stay that way.

….

….

**Might be continued, might just leave it as is. Let me know what you think?  
**

**Thanks!**


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